Category: Personal

Looking Back on Twenty-Two

It’s hard to believe tomorrow is my twenty-third birthday. I know everyone says this, but it really does feel like yesterday that I woke up on my birthday last year! (and let me tell you–that was a weird way to wake up. I had fallen asleep on the beanbag chair in my husband’s, then fiance’s, living room and woke up to one of his housemates singing a song on ukelele at 7 a.m. Not completely out of the norm for my life in college, but it was a thing to remember for sure.)
Twenty-two was definitely a year of crazy transitions for me. I graduated from college, left my job, got married, moved to a new city, got two new jobs, and adopted a new pet. If you feel like you’ve got whiplash reading that, that’s pretty much how I felt.
I have had to learn a new outlook on life. My life is so different from the place it was a year ago that if I stayed in the same thought patterns and looked at the world the same way now as I did then, I’d be super confused. Although transition can be difficult at times and I often question what my purpose is here (see my last post for details on that journey), I think I have grown for the better.
Within the struggle of missing the friends I am so close to and was so used to being around, I have been learning how to build new community and how to appreciate myself. I have had valuable time spent with my husband and valuable time spent re-learning my own passions and likes/dislikes. Although I found myself in some dark places during this year, I also found myself in the midst of a lot of excitement at times! Our wedding and honeymoon and the initial excitement of moving, as well as the excitement of college graduation, were all wonderful times! I appreciate having those bright points amidst a year of chaos.
Although, as with every good thing in life, the growth I’ve seen in myself this last year has been hard-won, I am grateful for it. I have learned who I am at this point in my life, I am learning where my passions may point me, and I am learning how to handle my own feelings during times of turmoil. Twenty-two was chaotic, but it was worth it.
Here’s to twenty-three!

When It Feels Like You’re the Only One “Not”

My husband is finishing his teaching credential. My best friend is operating her business. My college squad is achieving or about to achieve more than you could imagine: going to the best vet schools in the world, getting graduate degrees, killing the game in the professional world, and leading in ministry. They’re blazing their own paths and developing their futures. And here I am: not using my degree (which I’m so passionate about), not even working in my field, not living where I had wanted to live, and not being around all the people I so want to be with. And you know what? If I dwelled on those things, if I stayed in that mindset, I’d flounder and die.

It feels like I’m the only one “not.” I get so caught up in my friends’ successes and am genuinely happy for all of them, but alone, in the silence, I can be swallowed up by the “not.” And if I am swallowed up by what I am not being or what I am not doing, I become what I am not. Our self-talk truly can limit us, and if I say I am not enough, I will not be enough. Surrounded by success, I easily fall into feeling like a failure, but feeling that way is truly the only time I am failing myself. Comparing myself to others makes me identify myself by what feel I am not, instead of by who I am.

My Current Trader Joe’s Top 15

Trader Joe’s is by far my favorite grocery store. Growing up, I had several friends whose parents shopped exclusively at Trader Joe’s and I LOVED going to their houses for all the fun snacks they had. I thought that because they shopped at Trader Joe’s that must mean they were rich–I always had the conception that it was a crazy expensive store. My family started shopping there a little when I was in high school, but I really didn’t start my love affair with it until college. In college, I realized it was the place where I could get the most easy meals the most affordably, and when I needed snacks, who was there for me? Trader Joe’s! Anyone who came to the Bible studies I led in college can attest to the tastiness of the Trader Joe’s snacks I would bring every week.

Anyways, I was thinking about all the great products I love the other night and listing off my “must-have” Trader Joe’s items and I thought I would share them with y’all!  

Palm Sunday, the Passion, and Participatory Betrayal

Luke 19:28-40 (NIV): After Jesus had said this, he went on ahead, going up to Jerusalem. As he approached Bethphage and Bethany at the hill called the Mount of Olives, he sent two of his disciples, saying to them, “Go to the village ahead of you, and as you enter it, you will find a colt tied there, which no one has ever ridden. Untie it and bring it here. If anyone asks you, ‘Why are you untying it?’ say, ‘The Lord needs it.’” Those who were sent ahead went and found it just as he had told them. As they were untying the colt, its owners asked them, “Why are you untying the colt?” They replied, “The Lord needs it.” They brought it to Jesus, threw their cloaks on the colt and put Jesus on it. As he went along, people spread their cloaks on the road. When he came near the place where the road goes down the Mount of Olives, the whole crowd of disciples began joyfully to praise God in loud voices for all the miracles they had seen: “Blessed is the king who comes in the name of the Lord!” “Peace in heaven and glory in the highest!” Some of the Pharisees in the crowd said to Jesus, “Teacher, rebuke your disciples!” “I tell you,” he replied, “if they keep quiet, the stones will cry out.”

In many churches that utilize a liturgy, such as the one I am a member of, the normal succession of readings is as follows: Old Testament, Psalm, Epistle, Gospel. Usually the pastor is the one to read the gospel, the Old Testament and Epistle readings are read by a member of the congregation, and the Psalm is said or sung in unison. Palm Sunday is a little different, though.

Surrendering to God (When It Hurts)

(Note: this post has been adapted from a speech I made at a college ministry women’s retreat in early 2018.)

Galatians 2:20– “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”

Something that has been on my heart for a very long time is the concept of surrendering your life and your plans up to the Lord. I feel as if this is a concept that is talked about over and over in the church, and we give this Christian-ese cursory glance at it, like “of course I’m giving up my life to God!”, but we really don’t realize what it means. Full surrender to God means growing pains. It means hurting a little to gain a lot. Christ has offered us fullness and we keep clinging to the little things–I want to remind you what that means for us.

Confessions of a Frequent Blog-Abandoner

Hi there! If you’re reading this, I actually published this blog (lol). I am notorious for creating blogs, making a post or two, and then abandoning them. By my count, I’ve done this to at least ten blogs. My only “successful” blog was one about ten years ago, but the focus area was the Neopets website and a book series called Warriors about cats… not exactly my interests nowadays. But! Here we are, trying again. I always seem to be drawn back to writing posts/writing in general, and to spare my poor Facebook friends from long posts every day, I decided to return to the world of blogging.

Instead of choosing a gimmicky name for my blog (this time), I just went with my first name and middle initial. It sounds the best to me as is (and spares me the fate of a blog name that doesn’t match my main interest–since I don’t really have a main interest here). I like to talk & share my thoughts about anything and everything, so that’s really what this will be.

Here goes!

Feminism–and Why (Some) Women Hate It

This post originally appeared on my high school blog, Destination: Awareness.

Feminism seems like such a dirty word sometimes. Not because of what it means, but because of the connotations which people assign to it. When I tell people I am a feminist, reactions range from the offensive (“but you don’t look butch/lesbian/radical/crazy/etc”) (not that there is anything wrong with any of these things) to the quizzical (“why would you want to be a feminist? Feminism is just women wanting to be better than men.”). Society, although often divided on many topics, seems to agree that feminists must look, speak, and act a certain way, because we all have to just be stereotypical angry women, right? Feminists aren’t a certain group. Feminists can be men or women, homosexual, heterosexual, bisexual, or asexual, transgendered or cisgendered, queer, of any age, race, or social class. Feminism is not a movement restricted to those who are classed as “the typical feminist,” however that is seen. Feminism is simple: feminism is equality. It is simply equality. Equal treatment, equal opportunity, and equal respect for those who are female or those who exhibit behaviours classified as “feminine.” Feminism is not the quest for the domination of the male, it is the quest for the end of what can be equated to sex- or gender-based subjugation. It is the quest to be considered equal.

The other day, my friend brought up the fact that she doesn’t understand why the term “feminism” is even in existence. At first I was very confused, but when she clarified her meaning, I realized how insightful of a point she was making. She explained that she noticed that racist is a word, but there is no word for an anti-racist, because racism is most definitely not in vogue. However, because sexism and male privilege are so ingrained in our society, this case sees those fighting for equality being the ones marginalized with a label. When she said that, it harmonized with how I feel in a way I had not expected. Her words were in accord with ideas I did not realize existed within me, and I am pleased that she put words to these thoughts.

Now that I’ve put words to what I believe the core of feminism is, I’d like to make the point I am really trying to get across with this. Why do many women seem to hate feminists? When men develop a bad taste for feminism, it is more understandable. It is not often that they truly have malice towards women in their hearts; instead, the disconnect comes from the society we live in. Because most of human history has played itself out in male-dominated societies and because male privilege is prevalent in our society, when women fight for equality, it can seem to men that instead, we are trying to subjugate them. Although equality is the only thing being striven for, because men do not often notice the disconnect and inequality in our society–at least in my experience, many males believe our society is already completely equal–it can seem as if we are trying to take their rights away. While I in no way defend them, I do not think they provide a singular obstacle to overcome, but rather one of many. I look towards the anti-feminism women as another enormous issue. A faction of anti-feminist women shares the view that feminists “want to be above men” and that feminists “make up all their statistics” and that all feminists “want to kill men.” These women are not only opposed to the feminist movement, but those people who comprise it. It seems unfair that a movement made up of so many people has been relegated to the status of being a single entity with a single mind, when, in truth, it is comprised of people from the entire spectrum of human life that simply have a shared goal. However, although these people seem to garner their information from perhaps a small faction of the views and information put forth by feminists and broadcast this information as if it was the view of all feminists, they are not the most harmful of the anti-feminist women I have encountered. The most harmful are the ones in everyday life who look down upon you because you proclaim your desire for gender equality. They do not outwardly argue with you in most cases, but undermine you. An argument can be dealt with–facts can be presented and discussed, and an agreement may not be reached, but at least everything is out in the open. When each action that is being made is undermined, it is much more difficult to confront. The big question here is, why? Why would someone willingly go against people who are actively trying to expand upon their rights? The answer must lie in society. To figure this out, we must remember that feminism is an unpopular opinion because it goes against the patriarchal structure of our society. Anything that is in conflict with the norm will seem uncomfortable to those who do not familiarize themselves to it–this is human nature. Also, I have heard from many that they agree with my viewpoints, but will not outwardly display agreement because they have a deep-seated fear that if they seem like a “crazy feminist,” men will not love them. Others will merely find the stereotypical feminist annoying and generalize the entire group from that point onwards. Some believe that because of their religion, feminism is invalid. For one reason or another, the majority of women (in my generation, at the very least) are rejecting those who are attempting to reach out and attain rights and acceptable treatment for everyone.

I believe the way to combat this is to change the perception of feminism in society. False notions about what it is should be confronted head-on, so that proper education about the quest for gender equality that is feminism may occur. There can be no more misinformation if perception is to be changed–and that is what must happen. I would encourage all people to educate themselves on this and other important issues. Unsure of somebody’s statistics? Look it up. Don’t know if what you are about to say is the truth? Don’t say it. Misinformation, whether about this or any other issue, is a plague that will spread quickly. But on this issue, people must know: feminism is not a quest for dominance. Feminism is a quest for equality. I cannot stress that enough.

picture from a deactivated tumblr blogger–not my own

(Post-note: These are all my opinions. I do not claim to speak for anyone else and I do not claim to be absolutely correct in all that I say. Although it may seem that I am accepting a gender binary in my language here, it would be much more complicated to talk about the issue without using terms that most people are familiar with, so I have written in the most simplistic way possible. I don’t really expect anyone at all to read this far, but if you have, I hope my viewpoint may have incited some thought processes within your mind.)

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