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There are many transitional periods in life, and graduating from college is one of the biggies. Whether you have a job lined up and plans laid out or you’re surveying an uncertain future, this step is significant. It can feel both exciting and daunting. For me, this year since graduation has been the catalyst for a lot of growth and self-discovery. Despite this, I wish I could have been a little better prepared for what this period would hold. I decided to write down my thoughts about life after graduation and ask my friends about their experiences. In the process of gathering all this together, I’ve learned a lot. I hope this is helpful for you as well.

Your Expectations will be Wrong Sometimes

I honestly didn’t know what to expect after graduation. I had plans to move and get married, but I didn’t know what life would be like after that. One thing for sure is that I didn’t expect to feel as lost as I did.

I thought once I found a job and got settled into my new home, things would fall into place. I thought I’d have a “movie-montage life”. I’d get up every morning, work out, get ready for work, work, and then have fun in the evenings. I didn’t expect to be stuck in feelings of inadequacy or confusion about my purpose. I thought life would fit together like a puzzle, knowing some pieces would be hard to find, but expecting it to look neat. Spoilers: life doesn’t go that way! That doesn’t mean it’s bad, though. It just means you have to be open to your future changing.

(See my post on surrendering to God’s plan for a little more encouragement on this issue.)

When I asked my friends, they had this to say:

God has been so faithful in a few unexpected ways this year regarding community. I’m getting more connected with my family, finding friends where I wasn’t necessarily expecting. So that’s encouraging.

Emily (graduated in 2018, now working in clinical trials)

It was really, really hard to adjust at first. Part of that could be because I stayed in my college town and most of my close friends left, but it just felt really weird for at least 6 months after starting my first job. It feels a lot more normal now.

Denise (graduated in 2018, now an engineer)

I didn’t expect to go back to school, join a mission organization, or get married. Basically I didn’t expect life to be so up in the air still. I thought I knew what I was doing, but some of the best things and experiences I’ve had have come out of just stepping out and following God’s plan, somewhat blindly sometimes.

Sarah (graduated in 2014, now in grad school and working in Bible translation missions)

I didn’t expect how lonely it would be. But it seems like everyone I know fresh out of college has also been lonely. So at least that’s comforting.

Jessica (graduated in 2018, now working in campus ministry)

I think for me the hardest thing to get past was this weird adult limbo category that I fell into. I have most/all of the responsibilities of an adult but without the recognition or wisdom that other adults get with the same responsibilities. So it was weird. I just reminded myself to take it day by day and someday I’d be a beautiful butterfly.

Emilie (graduated in 2018, working & taking a gap year before vet school)

You Might Have to Re-Prioritize Your Time

Many people who were long out of college told me I’d have much less free time once I graduate. At least for me, that didn’t end up being true! Between my job, internships, ministry, classes, and sleeping, I was double- or triple-booked at all times in college. That might not be the case for your college experience, but it might be similar. There was some truth in their saying that to me, however. The time I had “free” (or more accurately, unstructured time), changed. I used to have big gaps during the day where I could do all I needed to do. Now the only time I have that is “mine” is early morning and late nights. (A lot of chores are relegated to the weekend!). This forces me to take some actual time for myself. Now once I get home in the evenings I have time to do with what I want. My time is my own!

One of the hard things is learning how to use your time. After college there’s less structure and you lose your conception of long-term time. Without quarters or semesters time just runs together. You don’t just want to fill your time with TV watching. You come home from work, and you’re tired, and all you want to do is relax. . . You don’t have the breaks you did in college in a 9-5 job so you don’t have time to rest. . . You need to figure out how to use your time wisely and treat yourself and others well in the limited time you have.

Sarah (graduated in 2018, now working in community development)

Career & Goals Aren’t Everything

One of the main worries about the transition to “full adulthood,” as I tend to call it, is career plans. We stress about each step we take, hoping it doesn’t lead us down the wrong path. We overthink in order to reach what we think is our end goal.

Did you know the average American changes career 8 times in their life? Working to provide for yourself, your future, and your family is fine. If you find your forever career in this time, that’s great–but if you don’t, it’s not the end. There is a plan for you. Even if you feel like you’re at the “wrong” place now, when you look back on this time, you’ll likely realize how it got you to a better place.

Working just to pay the bills is okay. There’s a lot of pressure to get your “dream job” right out of the gate, but at least from personal experience, that’s not very realistic. My advice is to try to be as much of a positive impact as you can, doing whatever job you do, no matter how trivial it may seem.

andy (graduated in 2018, working as a behavioral health technician)

Even though I just graduated I am taking a gap year. At work when customers ask me what year I am in school, I say that I’ve already graduated but I quickly follow it up with I’m going to vet school. It’s weird but I feel like I have to justify myself to complete strangers and my coworkers (who are also going to grad school) do the same thing. So I’ve started not saying anything. Just telling the customers that I’ve graduated and moving on to the next customer. I feel less weird about the situation now. I guess my point is that you should feel “proud” (not sure if that’s the best word) of where you are in your career. Even if you don’t even know what your career is going to be.

Emilie (graduated in 2018, working & taking a gap year before vet school)

After my internship I was in this weird limbo of time where I didn’t have a job. . . God kept telling me “I’m gonna get you a job, just wait, wait–I’m gonna get you a job, my plans are way better than yours.” I got the exact job I wanted and I feel like God used the internship to give me my passions, and He opened this door for the perfect job at the perfect time. . . I applied at the beginning of October for the job I wanted, and then there was a month of silence. Finally, I got an interview and then two days later they offered me the job, a week before the set end date for my internship.

So, at the end of the day, trust God for His plans. . . in the awkwardness, in the loneliness, and the un-contentment, in the frustration, all of it. I really feel like God gave me a peace and an assurance outside of myself, a confidence, that He was gonna take care of it. And He has. . . it’s just super cool to see that God doesn’t change after college. He’s there for you in every season. It’s been quite a journey, but God doesn’t change season to season, and He’s there for you.

Sarah (graduated in 2018, now working in community development)

Comparison and Discouragement Sneak in–Kick Them OUT

In our social media age, it’s so easy to look at what other people choose to share about their lives and compare our every-day struggles with their shared highlights. Think about it this way–what would people think about you if they only went by Instagram pictures or Facebook posts? They’d see your highlights–those moments when you WANT to take pictures. They wouldn’t see your lows, your trudging through the trenches of work and discouragement and anxiety, your difficulty finding community. Those aren’t great photo-ops, for you or for them.

If you look at anyone from the outside, you don’t know their real life. When we compare our daily life to other people’s highlights, of course our life will seem worse. We can only live our own life, so being discouraged by what we don’t see happening is as unproductive as doing nothing at all. (and I’d bet most of the people you’re comparing yourself to are struggling, just like you.)

When you’re discouraged and not seeing progress where you want, I’d encourage you to look for it where you wouldn’t expect. Perhaps your professional life isn’t going as it should, but your relationship is progressing more than you expected. Maybe your workouts aren’t having the effect that you hoped, but you’re emotionally and spiritually maturing without even noticing it. I would strongly doubt that you’re stagnating across the board, even though it’s easy to feel that way. Instead of feeling stagnant, revel in the areas you’re seeing growth. Keep striving towards those areas where you need to see results.

Breathe. It’s ok if you don’t got it all figured out. You’d be surprised how many people DON’T have it figured out. Don’t compare yourself to others who do seem to have it figured out.

Johanna (graduated in 2018, preparing to enter grad school and working as a behavioral health technician)

This is super corny, but learn to “dance in the rain” because life is still hard after college, just in different ways. You have to figure out how to enjoy it despite the hardships.

Denise (graduated in 2018, now an engineer)

What I’ve heard from some people, and experienced myself during my weird internship period is un-contentment in life. Like, “I’m not where I’m supposed to be,” which is a pressure from the world, I think. Especially when it’s like, “oh, this is the ideal job” or “this should be the job set up for you”–that’s pressure from the world. Don’t let that control you.

Sarah (graduated in 2018, now working in community Development)

Community will be Something to Strive For

Your community will not be the same after college. Even if you all stay in the same area, your dynamics will change. In college, even if you’re busting your butt studying all the time and don’t have time to go out a lot, your erratic schedules will mean that there is usually somebody available to study or hang out with you at any time of day or night. Once you start working, your schedules are more rigid. You’re going to need to seek out that community more intentionally. You can’t just show up at someone’s door at 11 (am or pm!) asking to spend time with them anymore. You need to take steps to make sure to maintain that community amidst the new routines.

Establishing a community definitely takes a lot more intentionality and work than in college. Community is very important and harder to establish when you are a working professional. It requires a lot more planning and actively trying to get to know people. . . In college you can afford to take a much more passive approach because you’re always surrounded by people, and they are mostly your age. Be willing to put yourself out there and be uncomfortable, and PRAY.

Emily (Graduated in 2018, now working in clinical trials)

Life after college will be a bit awkward as you try to make friends, but you have to push through the awkwardness because it will get better. There are no new groups like in college, everyone is at a different life stage and sometimes that means you might have to penetrate into an already established group of friends to make friends.

Denise (graduated in 2018, now an engineer)

Be active in finding community. Finding new friends is hard in any season of life and it takes work to make them. But having new friends is worth the work. Also, it’s okay to mourn the transition and to miss the college life and your college friends.

jessica (graduated in 2018, now working in campus ministry)

You have to be so much more intentional about your friendships after college. You don’t just see them in class or anything, you have to intentionally seek them out. After college, you actually realize who your true friends are. You aren’t just friends because of a club, or classes, or because you live near each other. You’re friends because you want to be. It’s also because of Christ, but it’s cool to see who your real friends are. It’s interesting to see who you prioritize and who prioritizes you, it’s a two-way street.

One question I’ve been struggling with recently is how many friendships I have time to maintain. I’m figuring out how to keep in touch and what certain friends need. Some friends you can go six months without talking and then pick up right where you left off. Others will feel abandoned if I do that. I need to make sure to maintain my friends how they need it.

I’ve also been thinking recently, is there a ceiling of how many people I can have in my life? That thought makes me sad. I want to get to know so many people at church–they look cool and I want to be their friends–but I already feel like there are so many people in their lives and also people I’m accountable for and to. I don’t have the answer to this yet, but one thing to keep in mind is this. When you feel like you’re constantly thinking about a friend, when some person is weighing on your mind–pay attention to that. That’s God’s spirit. Keep in touch with people, especially if they keep coming to mind. Listen to God saying “these are the people I’ve placed in your life.”

Sarah (graduated in 2018, now working in community development)

Never Stop Growing

Life isn’t a staircase where you totally improve in all areas of your life, totally deteriorate, or stay still. I think it’s clear by this point that there’s no linear path like that. There are so many different areas of your life that you need to take care of, work on, and cherish. Obsessing over them isn’t healthy, but you’ve got to learn that once college is over, you’re not suddenly done developing. People grow and develop in different aspects of themselves during different times all throughout their lives. Don’t feel discouraged if you don’t see development in a certain aspect. Instead, work on those aspects and celebrate where you do see development.

Don’t be afraid to try new things. You don’t need to be the same exact person you were in college and it’s good to keep growing and forming as a person. Cherish your experiences and memories from college and use those to make new ones. Keep in touch with friends, even if you end up on opposite ends of the world.

hannah (graduated in 2018, now in vet school)

Don’t be afraid to let plans change. Just because it’s a different plan doesn’t mean the first plan was a failure, it just means you’ve grown and learned more about God, life, and yourself.

Sarah (graduated in 2014, now in grad school and working in bible translation missions)

Even though you know everything is going to be very different when you graduate, it’s much more different than it seems. Post-grad depression hits, loans start coming at you, job searching is crazy, and friends are all over the place. . . It’s when the real world comes and hits you like a ton of bricks. But it’s also a time of great growth, even if it doesn’t seem like you’re making much progress towards your goals. Take joy in the little things: lunch with old friends, lunch with new friends (let’s be honest, a meal with good company is always nice), reading a good book, going on a walk or run, and spending time in reflection on life, God, or anything else! School may have left you with this creeping feeling that you should be working on something, but take this period in your life to set aside time for something that brings you joy. I’m still working on it, but that’s what this time is about!

Krysten (graduated in 2018, working in wildlife conservation)

You Need to Care for Yourself

Self-care has become a buzzword in our day and age, and while it can sometimes feel trite (no, a face mask isn’t going to cure crippling anxiety, a glass of water won’t kill your depression, and a mental health day isn’t going to fix financial issues) it is still important. Self-care doesn’t just mean spa days and coloring books, though. It means advocating for yourself and making sure you remain the best version of who you are.

Try not to sleep in until noon every day or your sleep schedule will be ruined forever.

Johanna (graduated in 2018, preparing to enter grad school and working as a behavioral health technician)

Don’t be afraid to talk to people about hard things. If you have ever felt that you struggle with mental health issues, go see a counselor (if you haven’t already), because it won’t get better after graduating. In my case, it got worse.

Denise (graduated in 2018, now an engineer)

Be a Lifelong Learner

It’s never a bad thing to continue improving yourself. Did you know that learning actually changes the structure of your brain’s cells? When you learn, your brain will adapt in order to send information faster. Continuing to learn new things throughout your life not only makes you increasingly interesting, it keeps you sharp. Even if you’re just learning weird little things that interest you, it’s important to keep with it! Learn a new skills (I’m attempting to learn hand-lettering), history (true crime history seems super popular these days), or a physical activity. Just keep yourself learning new things!

Having a test free life is awesome, but try to learn new things along the way. Whether it is in a particular hobby or just to further your knowledge in a particular career, you always want to have your mind working.

Johanna (graduated in 2018, preparing to enter grad school and working as a behavioral health technician)

Pursue Your Faith

As a Christian, college was both a “mountaintop” experience in some ways, but definitely a “valley” in others. To be clearer: my faith community was the strongest it’s been, but my personal time with God was weak. This is not to say that I never spent time with God, but it would often get pushed aside to study, work, or even for community faith events. I am able to get back into rhythms with daily time with God now that I’ve left college. I need to re-learn this discipline, so I’m not sure what it will look like once I’ve gotten more regular with it. If I had been more disciplined while I was still in school, I may have seen the great results I am seeing now.

If you also believe in God, I’d challenge you to let this transitional period be a time of powerful faith. He will not lead you astray if you follow Him into the unknown. It might be scary, but His plans are so much better.

Get plugged into a church that is diverse in terms of age and race. Talk to older people in your church. Join a young adults Bible study with people in a similar life stage as you.

Denise (graduated in 2018, now an engineer)

Resources

I asked people to give advice on what resources (books, podcasts, etc.) they would recommend during this transitional time. Here are their recommendations:

For an in-depth look at the trenches of “this weird post-grad life”, check out my friend Lucy’s post from when she was 5 weeks into being a “full adult.” It’s over at Lucy and the Wilderness.